happiness?

Where did you go? Why did you have to leave? I see the love of my life holding my hand. He's holding me up with such little strings. Every other one has been cut. Life has turned off in many parts. Like a dark tunnel or like the flame running out in a candle. The smiles don't come as they used to. The wheels in my brain work on overdrive. My body drags itself. I hate myself. I try and love, but how can I love without loving myself? How can I give him all of me when I lost a piece. I know he'll wait. I know he has the patience. I know he'll support me on my road to self discovery but is it fair? Is it fair for him wait? Is it fair for him to have to put extra effort in supporting me when he seems to have everything figured out.

I miss my smile. I miss my glow. I miss my goals. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my brother. I miss the clubs. I miss the coffee dates. I miss downtown. I miss the city. I miss the "sister." I miss the phone calls. I miss the makeup. I miss the girl I was five months ago. I miss the girl who loved loved loved life. The girl who wouldn't trade it in for the world. The girl who had it all figured out. The girl who smiled through everything and held her head up high. The girl who had all her strings attached to the right section without anyone holding some together.

I think my unrealistic conclusion is a time machine. I think my realistic conclusion is commence with the soul searching.