ramble

this emotion is driving me crazy. woke up this morning. smiled because he was next to me. two hours later crying because he wants to go somewhere i hate. an outing with the guys i don't approve of. am i being too possesive? am i being too jealous? am i being too controling? yes to all three. does it bother? not the the extent it should. i want him for me. i hate sharing him. i was never like this. i was always one to allow another to live their personal life they had before me. the past has me so fucked up that i won't let it go. in the end i did get my way. i feel like shit. now i'm stuck at home because the lies of where i've been to my parents are too suspicious. the insane arguments i had today keep running in my head. arguments escalating almost to a break up. i'm going crazy with all this. i should be sleeping but the radio has me captivated. i want to party. i want to drink. i want to just have fun. all the worries gone. all the stress vanished. all the depressive moods taking a turn for the better.

zebra

could i ask for a more sexy purse? it's over a year where i buy a purse and fall absolutley in love. now i am. of course the boy doesn't agree because i have too many purses, i have nowhere to fit any of them. but it doesn't matter, i loved it. i think i spoiled myself too much yesterday. purse, boots, supper with the best friend and coffee.

i could never ask for two more hormonal bitches in my life. they depressed me too much. but it's okay. time for a six year old's birthday!

lady

"in my mind, i'll always be his lady.

in my mind, i'll always be his girl.

only time can tell if i'm his girl.

but in my mind, i'll always be his girl"

and the wheel keeps spinning. my heart keeps beating. are we beating together? do we still share the same one simplified beat? i hear mine out beating yours, they used to race the same. maybe i am too paranoid. maybe i care too much. maybe i refuse to share you. maybe i am jealous. maybe i am selfish. but in the end it all leads to one result... you're mine and i'm yours. therefore, till the day the bond we have created diminishes and disappears i will remain who i have become. i will remain this way because of things you want to surround yourself with and their is not a thing you can do to change it. end of discussion.

writers block

three hundred and sixty-five days, plus. i have just confused myself and cannot get past the wall. progress two lines, backspace. progress one paragraph, backspace. the words don't follow one another no more. my expression is just a cluster of words with no meaning. i guess the road i was on was not paved the entire way. but trying to find my way back is the biggest obstacle yet. how am i supposed to find it on an unpaved highway with no street lights? i guess i'll figure out a way, if not we'll make it a count of seven hundred and thirty, plus.