ramble

this emotion is driving me crazy. woke up this morning. smiled because he was next to me. two hours later crying because he wants to go somewhere i hate. an outing with the guys i don't approve of. am i being too possesive? am i being too jealous? am i being too controling? yes to all three. does it bother? not the the extent it should. i want him for me. i hate sharing him. i was never like this. i was always one to allow another to live their personal life they had before me. the past has me so fucked up that i won't let it go. in the end i did get my way. i feel like shit. now i'm stuck at home because the lies of where i've been to my parents are too suspicious. the insane arguments i had today keep running in my head. arguments escalating almost to a break up. i'm going crazy with all this. i should be sleeping but the radio has me captivated. i want to party. i want to drink. i want to just have fun. all the worries gone. all the stress vanished. all the depressive moods taking a turn for the better.